Couples Therapy
Do Conversations With Your Partner Always Become Defensive?
Do discussions tend to spiral into arguments? Have you been feeling unheard or misunderstood in your relationship? Are both you and your partner hesitant to open up and be truly vulnerable?
Perhaps you’ve expressed to your partner that it seems like they don’t listen to you, or that you’ve been feeling unloved in your relationship. Maybe your partner feels like nothing they say is right, and nothing they do is good enough. You end up talking past each other and, as a result, avoid hard conversations and turn inwards.
You Still Love Each Other, But You’re Tired Of Fighting
Rather than spending time together, you depend on your separate friends to socialize. Your relationship may lack intimacy, and at times, you probably feel that living like roommates is the only way to keep the peace. You dislike the silence, but at least it means you’re not fighting. You miss the connection you once shared, yet it seems like every time you try to initiate an honest conversation, you risk starting an argument. It’s hard to find the will to be vulnerable when you fear being shut down or stonewalled again.
Maybe you’ve been wondering if the two of you are truly compatible after all. Yet you still care deeply about your partner and don’t want to walk away from your relationship. With support from a compassionate therapist, you can improve your active listening skills, get comfortable expressing yourself honestly, and learn how to approach difficult conversations with patience and empathy.
Have any questions? Send us a message!
Bringing Two Worlds Together In A Relationship Isn’t Easy
When you enter a romantic relationship with another person, you’re bringing all of your beliefs, experiences, and behavioral patterns from two separate “worlds” together. Both of you had unique upbringings, and what you consider “normal” won’t necessarily seem normal to your partner. Yet you’re expected to build a marriage without any real guidance on creating the kind of healthy relationship you desire to have.
Furthermore, life transitions can have a dramatic impact on your relationship. For example, welcoming your first child is a significant adjustment that completely rearranges your priorities. As you try to find your rhythm in the midst of this “new normal,” you can end up questioning if you and your partner are right for each other.
Feeling Misunderstood Can Make You Question Your Compatibility As A Couple
Recent research has shown that ultimately, 43% of divorces occur because one or both partners feel incompatible with each other, making incompatibility the most prominent reason for divorce. However, feeling incompatible does not have to be a permanent state. You and your partner may still be compatible, but if you’re not communicating effectively, it can feel like a wall has been built between you.
Why do so many couples who still genuinely care about each other struggle with feelings of incompatibility? Most people learn their communication styles from imitating their parents’ interactions as they get older and do not realize that this approach to communication might not work for their current relationship. A therapist can help you adjust your communication style and break free from the cycle of conflict.
Through Therapy, Couples Can Learn The Art Of Open, Respectful Communication
You may be worried that a couples counselor will “side” with one partner or the other, but this is a misconception. Couples therapy is all about taking mutual responsibility for improving your relationship and finding stable footing again. At Bloom Therapy, your counselor will explore you and your partner’s relationship in its entirety, examine how you handle difficult emotions as a couple, and take the time to understand the cycle of conflict between you.
What To Expect In Couples Counseling Sessions
When you begin therapy, you’ll both have the chance to share the problems you’re dealing with in your relationship. Your therapist will note your individual areas of concerns and identify possible root causes of your relationship troubles. They will also help you reconnect with the reasons you chose each other in the first place so you can feel the “spark” once again. If you and your partner are engaged, your therapist will thoroughly assess your communication styles before you walk down the aisle so that you can prepare to bring your lives together.
After your intake session, your therapist will have you complete an online assessment tool to assess the strengths and shortcomings in your relationship. During your second or third session, we’ll discuss your findings and use them to inform your treatment plan.
Treatment Approaches For Couples Therapy
At Bloom Therapy, we draw heavily from the Gottman Method to support couples in strengthening their relationships. This approach helps couples avoid feeding into resentment or engaging in criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. Your therapist will also use the Gottman Method to support you in creating shared meaning as a couple.
Furthermore, your therapist can pull from other therapeutic modalities to address your individual concerns. For example, one or both partners might benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or narrative therapy. Additionally, your therapist can help you explore your attachment styles and help you build a securely attached bond.
With the help of a therapist, you can change the patterns of interaction that led you and your partner into a relationship rut. If both people are dedicated to healing, you can foster the loving relationship you truly desire. Many people do not see strong examples of healthy marriages when they are young, but you can break the cycle and gain the tools you need to grow together.
But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
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We understand that fitting therapy into two people’s busy schedules can be challenging. Bloom Therapy offers evening and weekend sessions to accommodate couples with packed weekday schedules. We recommend weekly sessions for your first 6 to 8 weeks of couples therapy to build the foundation for steady progress.
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It’s normal to feel a bit skeptical about the effectiveness of therapy, especially if your relationship has felt rocky for a long time. But if you and your partner are ready to look within and commit to healing, positive change is absolutely possible. Our therapists have extensive training and experience with helping couples overcome the challenges you and your partner are facing.
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Ultimately, the results you see from therapy will depend on your mutual willingness to engage in genuine, vulnerable soul searching and keep working towards the same goals. If you and your partner are committed to attending regular sessions and applying the new skills you’ve learned outside of therapy, you might be surprised by the amount of progress you can make in a short timeframe.
You Can Gain The Tools You Need To Thrive As A Couple
If you and your partner are ready to build the relationship that you truly desire, couples therapy might be the next step. We invite you to get in touch with us by calling us at 619-500-1843 or filling out the contact form on our website to book a free 15-minute consultation or schedule your first appointment.
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